I liked being on zyprexa (anti-psychotic) at first, but after having my dosage increased in the hospital, I’ve been having loads of crappy side effects. I’m calling my psychiatrist on Monday to sort out this issue. It’s so frustrating to go through this cycle of trial and error. I thought I’d stopped it once I was on geodon, but after a few months on it, it started to give me really awful side effects. That’s when I just stopped taking it cold turkey, without the doctor’s approval, and everything went to shit.
I’m not sure how far to plan ahead in my life right now. I want to attend classes next semester, but I want to feel like I’m fairly stable and with a combination of medication that will allow me to function properly. The worst side effects that I get are suicidal thoughts / depression and akathisia. Akathisia makes you want to bang your face into a wall repeatedly and kill people. It’s a very intense feeling of uneasiness, and when it happens to me, I pretty much want to kill myself. The last time it happened was during my hospitalization; I was lying in bed and I couldn’t get comfortable no matter what position I laid in. I kept pulling at the skin on my face and arms in order to calm myself down. It was fucking awful.
Anyway, the only side effects I’m experiencing now are slight weight gain and pretty severe fatigue in the mornings. I just slept for quite a while, even though I slept through the night. Ugh.
I feel okay right now though. I got through yesterday without incident and today seems to be going in the same direction (aside from the sleeping). I’m seeing my therapist in a few hours for an emergency session because of my recent hospitalization. I like my therapist, so I’m looking to it. Talking through things really helps me.
For what it’s worth, I’ve done these two drawings last night / today:
