2008 was a rather shit year for me, so I’m hoping 2009 makes up for it. I hope you all had a happy new year as well!
I have to go to my psychiatrist’s office today to pick up a form for a blood test, and possibly change my medication. I don’t like the zyprexa very much. 20mg is too much and 10mg isn’t enough. I hate wrestling with medication, but I’m hopeful that I’ll find something that works soon.
I’ve been interested lately in trying to figure out the origin of my hallucinations and delusions, and those of others as well. Demonic figures seem to be a common theme, and I wonder why that is. Is it because of something in our culture? Guilty consciences? Usually, there’s a threatening presence as well. It might seem silly to try and rationalize symptoms of a mental illness, but I just think that there has to be a reason for all of this.
As a side note, I’d also like input from those reading this. I’m always open to questions, and I’m sure some of you must have them. Don’t be afraid to talk to me! That’s why I’m here. I’ve also got an “Introduce Yourself” page, if you so desire to do so. I’d like to know who my audience is, and whether or not you find this blog helpful at all.
Also, despite what I’ve said in a previous post, I will delve a bit in to what my experience with hospitalization has been like sometime soon, since it may prove helpful to some people, and maybe debunk some myths. If there’s anything else you’d like me to expand upon, let me know and I’ll consider it.
January 2, 2009 at 10:51 pm |
Hey Kelley
Lots of changes already for the new year. I think you are correct in thinking it’s not good to be around non supportive people right now, so breaking free from your boyfriend is wise. Getting your meds corrected is so important. We humans are complex beings: chemically, mentally and spiritually. You may resist my bringing spirituality into the mix, but I can’t. I remember your baptism and that is a very spiritual event, even though some may not think so. You were blessed and sealed with a holy dedication. In praying for your cousins I always go back to the promises of their baptisms and it gives me great peace that someone bigger than I can ever imagine loves them more than me. That love is yours too, you may just not realize it. We can talk about this more if you like.
Keep it up, you’re doing good and you are worth the fight within yourself to find wholeness.
Lovingly,
Aunt kathy
January 2, 2009 at 11:14 pm |
Yeah, breaking up with Jake was the right thing to do, but it’s still been difficult. We hadn’t seen or talked in a few weeks prior to this, so I’m used to him not being around, but feeling like I don’t have his support is what really sucks. He has his own problems to deal with though, and I hope he does, but until then he’s not someone I can really deal with right now.
I don’t mind talking about spirituality. I’m not sure what I believe or not, but I’m not opposed to hearing different viewpoints. Lots of my symptoms of this disorder have some link to spirituality, actually, although more the dark side of things. It’s nice to be reminded of the good side instead!
January 2, 2009 at 11:22 pm |
Hey Kelley! Just stopping by to say hi. I love that you’re writing this blog, I hope it is helpful. I plan to write more about my mental health issues in my blog too!
Keep up the good work.
Em (missfox)
ps. I linked you on my blog, hope you don’t mind.
January 2, 2009 at 11:31 pm |
Hey
Thanks for your support! & I don’t mind you linking to me. I’ll add a link to you as well.
January 2, 2009 at 11:37 pm |
I had a dream last night where I was at da club and you and the other Richey were there too! And he was like “Sup!” and you two were hanging out all BFF.
So, I guess… I’m thinking of you, bb! Or I’m reading LJ and listing to Manics before bed??
Either way, I hope you get everything w/your meds worked out so you can get things settled down a little bit and go back to school.
January 3, 2009 at 2:07 am |
That’s totally what I was doing last night! You’re psychic!
Thanks. xx