I changed the layout here last night because the other one was too dark. I don’t want to give off the impression of doom and gloom all the time, especially since that’s not how I feel or view life. This layout isn’t 100% how I’d like it to look, either, but oh well.
I don’t know who will care or not (feedback would be greatly appreciated!), but I’ve started planning on keeping another public blog alongside this one. The difference between the two is that the other blog will be about life in general, not just mental illness. I thought it would help give anyone interested a better idea of who I am beyond just this one subject. I’d thought of just keeping everything in this one journal, but I decided that doing that would sort of defeat the purpose of why I created this blog in the first place. I’d like people to know more than one side of me, but I also want emphasis placed on my disorder (and mental illness in general) to bring greater insight and understanding to it all.
Anyway, I’ll give a link once I’ve got that journal more set up.
I’ve also decided to re-join Twitter and see how that goes. My page is here if anyone wishes to follow me.
Getting down to business now, I guess. I had a session with my therapist this weekend. I hadn’t seen her in months due to money issues and all the drama with my brother’s health. It was nice to finally talk to her again, although it also reminded me of how much work I have to do still. I basically have no sense of myself when it comes to certain things, especially anything involving food. She asked me what I thought would make a healthy dinner, and I honestly couldn’t answer.
In order for this to make sense to anyone, I should explain that my mom babies the hell out of me. Not in a good way though, really. What I mean is that she tends to do everything for me before I get a chance to do it myself, thus rendering me pretty useless when it comes to learning skills for myself (like cooking). No matter how many times I try to get her to stop and allow me to do things on my own, she never listens. It’s pretty infuriating.
Anyway, because of all that, it’s difficult for me to grasp certain aspects of being an independent adult, and my therapist is working with me in order to overcome these obstacles. Things like understanding the various aspects of money, bills, cooking. Basic stuff. She’d like it if I could be sent shopping for groceries and start preparing meals on my own. She also wants me to have a healthier understanding of food in general. I understand what’s healthy or not healthy, but my judgment of portions and how to mix things together is really skewed. Like, I function either on the level of “eat whatever whenever I feel like it” or the “eat barely anything / obsess over every calorie” level. There’s really no in between area for me. It seems really ridiculous, even to me, but when asked what I thought a healthy meal would be, I couldn’t think of a damn thing. Well, that’s a bit of a lie. I could think of things like an apple or yogurt, but when it came to mixing things together to create an actual meal, I went blank.
I’m supposed to cut out pictures of “healthy” food and bring them to my next session this coming weekend. I’m not gonna lie, it is pretty embarrassing, but if activities like this will help me better understand this type of stuff then I’ll do whatever it takes. I mean, it’s embarrassing to not understand this stuff in the first place!
I am actually really hungry right now, and writing this isn’t making it any better, haha. I think I’ve covered everything I wanted to mention here today, so I’m going to stop here and go find something to eat.
